The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?.....
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her oh no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
Red Sands Jumping
12 years ago
Posts
9 comments:
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Too funny!! I LOVE telling stories when people ask silly questions. You crack me up!! This is the best story I have heard all day!!
Kind of reminded me of this http://dustynkamie.blogspot.com/2007/08/home-at-last.html
story when I wanted to say something so bad!! :) But I decided to keep all my smart remarks to myself, considering I was in an Airport and people might not take it well!
But everyday when I am sitting at school, with the "substitute key" around my neck - it never fails that at least one student asks if I am the substitute. And of course I say, "No". Then give 'em a good story.
Dang!!! I always do that! I just need to change that one to my name! Yes, that was me!
Funny Shell.
Hey Shell, I love your new game!
I especially liked shooting Hillary right in the face..I LIKED IT ALOT!!
Yea that game is fun!
Kamie your story was very funny also. I bet the lady was freeking out when she thought there was a baby in the car seat!
mole wart has a black cloud houvering over it day and night
Is Hillary the number six of the most annoying ladies Tony? I think Hillary is annoying don't you think? By the way Shelly, that's funny about the dog food diet.
She's right up there with Rosie Odumbass and Ellen Degenerate.
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